Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
