Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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