I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
