Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
