Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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