with your own penis?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
