We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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