I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
