do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
