burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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