just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
