this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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