Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
