i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
