My liver just broke up with me...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
