i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
