Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
