I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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