I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I looked at my own cervix.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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