i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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