I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
