my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
