there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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