It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
