Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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