Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
