i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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