The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
