I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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