I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
