woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
