So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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