I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
