i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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