maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
