drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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