Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
