I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
