True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
