I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
