my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
