why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
