im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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