I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
