Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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