mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
