I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
