Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
