i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
