Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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