Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
