I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
