We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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