she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
